Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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