does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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