Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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