WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
