they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
