just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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