So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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