Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
