Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
