and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
