He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
