Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
