I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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