the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
