So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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