Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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