My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
