i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
