please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
