You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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