My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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