My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
