I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
