I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
