She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
