I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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