My Higher Power is John Stamos
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
