her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
