I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
