If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
