i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
