should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
