Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
