My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
