i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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