Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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