dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
