Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
