I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
