The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is it penis luge time yet?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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