You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
