i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
