Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize