Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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