I just pynch a tree in the face
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
