I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
