So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
