Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
