it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
