Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
