So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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