just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
