We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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