I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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