tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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