Nicole vs. Life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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