sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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