butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
