Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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