btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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