is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
