Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
