If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
