we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
so much tequila, so little girl.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
