My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
