I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
