Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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