As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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