just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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