I can text with my tongue
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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