Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize