Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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