Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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