Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
