my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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