Taylor Swift is so right about you.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
